Bad Costume Ideas

Sunday, 25 October 2009 19:00

Avoid being the Halloween "Don't"... Yes, It Can Be Done

Halloween is supposed to be the one night you can truly get wild. But if you're dressed in a costume that everyone thinks is awful but you, there's the distinct possibility of prancing through the night painfully unaware that you’re “dated,” “unoriginal,” “too fat” or “too old” for that. Here’s how.

By Jon Silman

CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW

This initially seems like a good idea, but you'll soon find yourself powerless over your need to wear this costume on a daily basis. You'll convert all your money to quarters and carry them around in a purple velour sack. You'll shave your dog and use his hair as a soul patch, and when you go see a movie you'll drop your sack on the counter and ask, "Is this movie rated arrr?"

THE SEXY LIBRARIAN

You obviously have no idea what the word "sexy" means. When have you walked into a library and thought, "Holy crap, that old lady is really hot. I really want to dress like her!"? *Bonus tip: You should avoid dressing up as a "sexy" anything unless you're a stripper or a porn star. Just because it's Halloween doesn't mean you can pull off that garter belt and sequined bra when you've been eating cheeseburgers all year.

ADULT TINKERBELL

Tinkerbell is children's domain. Don't ruin it for the fresh-faced youth by blaspheming this beloved Peter Pan character. Tinkerbell is meant to be petite and cute, not oversized and sad-looking. Try this look and you'll wake up wishing you had some magic dust to forget it all.

THE JOKER

Really? The movie came out two summers ago. This is no longer original or clever. I know you really want an excuse to wear makeup, and this seems like the perfect way to do it without giving anyone the impression you're in the closet, but your mom is not going to appreciate you ruining her red lipstick, again.

WONDER WOMAN

Congratulations, you are the 1,000,000 person to wear this costume. How on earth did you ever come up with that idea? Was it the TV show from the '70s? You have a white rope? Fascinating. Not. Wonder Woman is a super hot babe with big "guns," so don't ruin it for me.

"YOURSELF"

Someone please punch this guy in the face. He's usually the guy who wears flannel shirts and tight pants and listens to bands you've never heard of, because they suck. He's here for the imported beer, and he isn't tied down by the constraints of society that say he has to dress up to have a good time. Halloween is just another day to him. He can see through the facade to the truth, man. What a douche.